I have often thought about my medical history for quite a while now. I ponder on the miracle of the human body. I also admire the miracles Doctors achieve daily while practicing medicine. When I look back on my experience I wondered if it would make interesting reading, so I thought I’d have a go, here’s my story…buckle up, I have some story to tell…

When I see a new doctor I always have a chuckle when they ask me my medical history, I always say we should have got an earlier appointment!

I’m not even sure I can put all this in the correct order but I’ll ask if anyone reading this can match it at all!

The first natural one though is Acne, really bad all over back and face just when your at the prime teenage years and to be honest it was a killer. But that’s life and you get through it.

In 1988 I had a bad ulceration on my right leg and had to have poultice on for a while.

Dates are vague really, I broke a toe at work and had to have that straightened out. I broke my left arm falling playing football and years later dislocated my right elbow while playing in goal. Now trust me I can assure you that was some pain.

In training someone who shall remain nameless fell on my left leg and snapped it.

Years before this I developed atrial fibulation, irregular heartbeat to you and I and have been on tablets for a poor heart for years. They thought I had TB as a youngster but couldn’t find any evidence. I do remember not having the BCG though.

So in time I asked the doctor about my varicose veins. He said “do they hurt?” I said “no.” He said “don’t worry then.” He retired and years later they were so bad I nearly lost my right leg as the operation took so long to do.

So my heart condition continued and one day whilst on holiday in the shower the veins in my right ankle burst and without me knowing it was like a scene from psycho in the basin. I opened the door and trust me you would be surprised how far blood can spurt from a pumping pin

Around 1996 oddly enough fit as a fiddle (sic) and skinny as a rake I began to develop breathing problems whilst refereeing on Sunday mornings in local football. after numerous hospital visits they began to drain off fluid from my left side of the chest. Plural effusion or something. Three times later the heart doctor sent me to the lung guy next door who immediately sent me to the Royal Brompton in London.

I recall I went either on a Wednesday or Thursday with my brother and Dr Fernandez said they couldn’t test till Monday but advised me to stay the weekend as I could lose the bed if I came back. So I stayed and got a pass out for the weekend and went to Kew Gardens with friends. It was like a hotel! On Monday though it was very different. I was sent for tests and dr Gibson performed an echocardiogram. That afternoon a posse of doctors appeared at the bedside and advised I would have to have an emergency heart operation on Wednesday or I would not last another two weeks. My body was so full of fluid all my organs were about to pack up. I had a rare condition called pericarditis. This is calcification of the pericardium, the protective jelly layer that sits around your heart. I was being crushed to death, basically my heart being strangled.

On the Wednesday as planned Dr John Pepper saved my life, once again I thank you John. I wrote to him a few years ago thanking him and he wrote back. How nice is that. Forever in his gratitude. That was May 28th 1997.

So what else, as I’ve wrote this I can see it jumps back and forth over time but you get the idea. My heart problem placed me on Warfarin the blood thinning drug (rat poison) this caused problems like the time my nose would not stop bleeding. Every time it got hot out come the blood. One time I had to go hospital and they plugged it and said if it’s bad come back. Before I had even got home the bandage etc was full of blood and I had to go straight back. So there I was admitted to hospital. They could not stop the flow and tried three times. Each time putting liquid cocaine up my nose to stop the pain while they cortorised it. Now as I said they could t stop it and it got to the stage they didn’t bother and just shoved a red hot soldering iron up me nose. The blood rushed to the back of my throat and I choked so bad whilst gripping the bed so hard it flew all over the doctor and nurses. Another scene from a psycho film but not only was the red hot poker (it now seemed like) excruciating I was drowning in my own blood!

It was quite a mess but it done the trick. Have you ever seen how much packing they can get up your nose and behind your yes as well. Extraordinary!

So what else, ah yeah yesterday I had an operation to remove an Umbilical Hernia which prompted me to write this article. Keyhole surgery is still painful and my bloated belly is red raw sore. Another week before I can go back to work and see where my next medical case takes me. If I’ve missed anything this time round I’m sure I’ll remember and update soon!

Did I mention I now wear glasses?

Now I said I would remember something; I did also have shingles once and if you have ever had them, you know what they entail…

Are you still with me? This is just the beginning of my book, My Bionic Body, enjoy!

First written 20th May , 2014. Since then, I have written what seems to resemble a book on my health. The links alongside this one will be the chapters I will add in time. If you read them all, you will wonder how I’m still alive! Trust I do!